119 Glowkos "teh Gray-Blu", kitten uv Hippo-Lokus ("Hippo" 4 short, cuz he wuz
rly skinneh — teh Greeks lieked irony) an teh kitten uv Taideyus (Daiomedeez)
120 ran n2 teh baddle-feeled, hissin an hollerin, hankerin 2 fite,
121 an dey tumblr'd toards each udder, angry ballz uv fur,
122 an Daiomedeez hooz skreech wuz famus sed:
123 "Hoo r u, brayvest uv all teh kittehs hoo will 1 day dai?
124 Ai hav not seen u on teh baddle-feeled ware kittehs win gloree
125 b4 nau. But nau u rush ahed n front uv every1,
126 so brayv: u stand b4 mai clawz, wich cast looong shados (cuz dey r long).
127 Wretched r teh kittehs hoo meet me face 2 face; ai pwn dem.
128 But if u caym frum atop teh Fridge uv Olimpus,
home uv teh ceiling cats hoo neva dai,
129 ai DO NOT WANT 2 fite u — fite teh hevinlee gods.
130 Not even teh strong kitten uv Dry-ass, Lick-urges,
131 livd long when he fot teh hevinlee gods.
[Storee uv Lick-urges, TL;DR: he haxx0red gurlkittehs an wuz a jerk.]
139 He did not live long, 9 lifes did not save him,
140 bcuz he wuz h8d bai all teh godz; dey pwnd him.
141 So ai DO NOT WANT 2 fite teh blessed godz.
142 But if u r a mortal cat, an eat cheezburgrs,
143 teh closer u come 2 me, teh sooner u will b ded.
144 Teh brite-eyed kitten uv Hippo ansered:
145 Taideyus' kitten, y do u ask about mai pedigree?
146 liek teh leafs r teh kittehs :
wich iz 2 say, 4 1 ting, der r alot uv dem,
bcuz ppl do not spay an neuder kittehs,
but dey r also similr n teh sense dat dey come an go :
147 n Fall, teh wind pours teh leafs on2 teh ground 4 kittehs 2 poop n,
148 an n Spring, teh trees make new leafs 4 kittehs 2 climb n.
149 In teh saym way, kittehs dai bcuz god killz a kitten wehn u masturb8,
but udder kittehs r born.
(Rly maybe ai shud compair kittehs 2 teh red dot uv teh lazer pointer,
wich flickrs briefly across teh wall, disapeers, an re-apeers.)
Monday, October 13, 2014
Sunday, September 2, 2012
book wun, part too
(43) (He (Lolrus) prayed, and brite Feebee's Ap0ll0 hurd him. . .)
44 he jumpt down off teh Fridge uv Olimpus, b-n angrycat n his hart,
45 wif his bo an hooded kwiffer on his back.
46 Teh arroes clangd on his back as he prowled, angry —
47 (teh ceiling cat) himself, n moshun — he came down liek teh nite.
48 He crouched bai teh boats, let an arro fly,
49 an a terribl clang rang owt frum teh silver bo: BOOM, HEDSHOT!
50 Teh myewls he went 4 nawt sekkund, an teh brite-eyed goggies,
51 but neckst he haxx0red teh kittehs demselfs wif arroes.
52 (He pwnd so menee,) teh fiers dat cream8ed teh ded bodeez nevarr stopd.
53 4 9 daze teh arroes uv teh ceiling cat pwnd teh armee.
54 On teh tenf, Akilleez calld teh kittehs 2 ussemblee,
55 becuz Hera 'Socks' the White-Pawed put it n his hart,
56 cuz she DID NOT WANT 2 c the Dana-1s dy-n.
57 When dey wuz gaddured an ussembled,
58 amung dem roz Akilleez teh Swift-Pawed, an sed:
59 'Atrydeez, we r b-n pwnd, I wurry,
60 (n wore) if we even s-cape def —
61 wore an dizzies r both pwn-n teh Acheings. (←war and disease)
62 Butt weight: letz ask a preest oar profit (see-er)
63 oar a reeder uv dreemz — cuz dreemz r liek txts frum Ceiling Cat —
64 hoo cud say, Feebee's Ap0ll0, u mad bro? y u mad? :
65 (c) if he blames us 4 a vow fail, or a sack rough ice fail. (←sacrifice)
66 If he wud come (if we gived him) grilled goat-cheezburgrz,
67 he mite b willin 2 meat us an sayv us frum pwnage.'
44 he jumpt down off teh Fridge uv Olimpus, b-n angrycat n his hart,
45 wif his bo an hooded kwiffer on his back.
46 Teh arroes clangd on his back as he prowled, angry —
47 (teh ceiling cat) himself, n moshun — he came down liek teh nite.
48 He crouched bai teh boats, let an arro fly,
49 an a terribl clang rang owt frum teh silver bo: BOOM, HEDSHOT!
50 Teh myewls he went 4 nawt sekkund, an teh brite-eyed goggies,
51 but neckst he haxx0red teh kittehs demselfs wif arroes.
52 (He pwnd so menee,) teh fiers dat cream8ed teh ded bodeez nevarr stopd.
53 4 9 daze teh arroes uv teh ceiling cat pwnd teh armee.
54 On teh tenf, Akilleez calld teh kittehs 2 ussemblee,
55 becuz Hera 'Socks' the White-Pawed put it n his hart,
56 cuz she DID NOT WANT 2 c the Dana-1s dy-n.
57 When dey wuz gaddured an ussembled,
58 amung dem roz Akilleez teh Swift-Pawed, an sed:
59 'Atrydeez, we r b-n pwnd, I wurry,
60 (n wore) if we even s-cape def —
61 wore an dizzies r both pwn-n teh Acheings. (←war and disease)
62 Butt weight: letz ask a preest oar profit (see-er)
63 oar a reeder uv dreemz — cuz dreemz r liek txts frum Ceiling Cat —
64 hoo cud say, Feebee's Ap0ll0, u mad bro? y u mad? :
65 (c) if he blames us 4 a vow fail, or a sack rough ice fail. (←sacrifice)
66 If he wud come (if we gived him) grilled goat-cheezburgrz,
67 he mite b willin 2 meat us an sayv us frum pwnage.'
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
book wun, part wun
1 RAGE!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!11!1111!1one1eleven
OMG, sing (uv teh rage) uv Peleus kitten Akilleez "teh Griefer",
2 hoo no cud haz long life, hoo cauzd teh Acheing n00bz menee hurts.
3 He frowed n2 teh Basement lotza solz
4 uv grate kittehs, but maked der bodeez noms fer teh goggies
5 an birdies. Srsly. Teh will uv Ceiling Cat wuz b-n fulfilled . . .
6 When did dey begind 2 fite,
7 Atrydeez king uv kittehs (aka Agamemnom teh Troll), an godliek Akilleez?
8 (Y u no b friends?) Wut ceiling cat maked dem fite?
9 Zeus an Letos kitten (Ap0ll0). He beed angrycat at teh king
10 an he unleeshed pwnage dat killed menee n00bz,
11 becuz Atrydeez dissed teh preest-Lolrus Cryseez
(hoo wuz 1 uv Ap0ll0s bros).
12 (Dat wuz) becuz he (Cryseez) wuz goed 2 teh Acheings fast boats
13 fer 2 rezkyoo his dawter (an bukkit), wif lotza trezyur,
14 an he had strings dat Ap0ll0 teh Sniper lieked
15 on gold stickage, an he begged all teh Acheings,
16 espeshully teh leederz, teh 2 sons uv Atrayus:
17 'Sons uv Atrayus an udder armurred Acheings,
18 2 u may teh Olimpiks godz gif teh howzez
19 an all uv Priams city 2 destroy, an (mayday gif u) safe rides home:
20 just gif me mah deer kitten (an bukkit) — take teh ransum.
21 respekt teh Sniper ceiling cat, Ap0ll0.'
22 An all teh udder Acheings sed "++, 'like',
23 honur teh preest-Lolrus, take teh awsum ransum!"
24 But Atrydeez Agamemnoms hart DID NOT WANT,
25 an he (Agamemnom) yelled at him (teh Lolrus):
26 "Never let me see u bai teh boats agin, Lolrus;
27 GTFO, an stay out! (If ai c u agin,)
28 teh stick an strings uv teh god will nawt protekt u.
29 Ai will nawt gif u her b4 oldness
30 pwns her n mah house n Argoes, far from her fadurland,
31 as she slaves back an 4th b4 teh loom an iz wif me n mah bed
(7/10, will bang).
32 GTFO, while u can, b4 I b angrykitteh."
33 He (Agamemnom) sed dat,
an teh Lolrus wuz afrayed, an obayed teh or-dur.
34 He walked sighlentlee along teh (shoar uv teh) lowd C.
(Unliek gurlkittehs, he no lieked long walks on beech.)
35 When he had goed far away, teh old Lolrus prayed
36 2 teh lord Ap0ll0, hoo Leto teh Luvly-Furred had gived birf 2:
37 Hear me, U wif teh Silver Bow, u hoo prowl Cry-Sea
38 an holee 'Killa' (wich iz Greek 4 'Ass-Kulured'!), lord uv Tenadoes,
39 Sminteohs (Ap0ll0 haz lotza nayms): if ai evarr put a ceiling on a templ an it plzed u,
40 oar u evarr lieked teh cheezburgrz ai grilled 4 u,
41 cow-cheezburgrz oar goat-cheezburgrz, plz can ai haz dis?:
42 Make teh Dana-1s (aka Acheings) pay 4 mah teerz bai sufferin ur arroes.
43 He (Lolrus) prayed, and brite Feebee's Ap0ll0 hurd him. . .
OMG, sing (uv teh rage) uv Peleus kitten Akilleez "teh Griefer",
2 hoo no cud haz long life, hoo cauzd teh Acheing n00bz menee hurts.
3 He frowed n2 teh Basement lotza solz
4 uv grate kittehs, but maked der bodeez noms fer teh goggies
5 an birdies. Srsly. Teh will uv Ceiling Cat wuz b-n fulfilled . . .
6 When did dey begind 2 fite,
7 Atrydeez king uv kittehs (aka Agamemnom teh Troll), an godliek Akilleez?
8 (Y u no b friends?) Wut ceiling cat maked dem fite?
9 Zeus an Letos kitten (Ap0ll0). He beed angrycat at teh king
10 an he unleeshed pwnage dat killed menee n00bz,
11 becuz Atrydeez dissed teh preest-Lolrus Cryseez
(hoo wuz 1 uv Ap0ll0s bros).
12 (Dat wuz) becuz he (Cryseez) wuz goed 2 teh Acheings fast boats
13 fer 2 rezkyoo his dawter (an bukkit), wif lotza trezyur,
14 an he had strings dat Ap0ll0 teh Sniper lieked
15 on gold stickage, an he begged all teh Acheings,
16 espeshully teh leederz, teh 2 sons uv Atrayus:
17 'Sons uv Atrayus an udder armurred Acheings,
18 2 u may teh Olimpiks godz gif teh howzez
19 an all uv Priams city 2 destroy, an (mayday gif u) safe rides home:
20 just gif me mah deer kitten (an bukkit) — take teh ransum.
21 respekt teh Sniper ceiling cat, Ap0ll0.'
22 An all teh udder Acheings sed "++, 'like',
23 honur teh preest-Lolrus, take teh awsum ransum!"
24 But Atrydeez Agamemnoms hart DID NOT WANT,
25 an he (Agamemnom) yelled at him (teh Lolrus):
26 "Never let me see u bai teh boats agin, Lolrus;
27 GTFO, an stay out! (If ai c u agin,)
28 teh stick an strings uv teh god will nawt protekt u.
29 Ai will nawt gif u her b4 oldness
30 pwns her n mah house n Argoes, far from her fadurland,
31 as she slaves back an 4th b4 teh loom an iz wif me n mah bed
(7/10, will bang).
32 GTFO, while u can, b4 I b angrykitteh."
33 He (Agamemnom) sed dat,
an teh Lolrus wuz afrayed, an obayed teh or-dur.
34 He walked sighlentlee along teh (shoar uv teh) lowd C.
(Unliek gurlkittehs, he no lieked long walks on beech.)
35 When he had goed far away, teh old Lolrus prayed
36 2 teh lord Ap0ll0, hoo Leto teh Luvly-Furred had gived birf 2:
37 Hear me, U wif teh Silver Bow, u hoo prowl Cry-Sea
38 an holee 'Killa' (wich iz Greek 4 'Ass-Kulured'!), lord uv Tenadoes,
39 Sminteohs (Ap0ll0 haz lotza nayms): if ai evarr put a ceiling on a templ an it plzed u,
40 oar u evarr lieked teh cheezburgrz ai grilled 4 u,
41 cow-cheezburgrz oar goat-cheezburgrz, plz can ai haz dis?:
42 Make teh Dana-1s (aka Acheings) pay 4 mah teerz bai sufferin ur arroes.
43 He (Lolrus) prayed, and brite Feebee's Ap0ll0 hurd him. . .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)